Monday, June 29, 2009

Annoying My Guildies Part 1

This is a brand new section to my blog. Occasionally I shall be doing a completely fictitious expose on, guide by, or interview with, one of my guildies. I have of course asked them if I "can use your ingame name so that I can take the piss out of you on my blog". I asked they said yes they only have themselves to blame.

Lau's Guide To Mage DPS.

Hi there Incompetent Readers, this is Lau and today I'm going to tell you my secrets to topping the damage meters and making the other, lesser classes look silly.

Step one, gearing. Go to sites like the Elitist Jerks Forum and either find a list of, or demand someone tell you the best gear, stats, gems, glyph's, enchants, and Spec. Go get them. Alternately you can find a mage who's destroying the dps meters Armory him and basically copy paste.

On a side note to gearing, as alliance always remain 1% under the hit cap and demand to be put in the same group as a Drenai. Don't worry follow this guide and your dps will be high enough that they will give in without a fight.

Step Two Keybindings. Take your fireball spell and bind it to your mouse wheel.

Step Three Scorch Buff. Always ensure that this is applied by another player, be it one of those wannabe mages ... oh what do you call them ... thats right, Warlocks. Or if that fails have a less experienced/more gullible mage do it for you. Never do it yourself if you can help it as this will mess up your rotation.

Step Four Rotation. This is a highly complex seven step rotation.
1) Target boss.
2) Spin mouse wheel.
3) Go make yourself a cup of coffee. Don't worry your mouse wheel will do everything for you.
4) Drink the coffee.
5) Return to your PC and collect your loot. Remember that this loot is rightfully yours by virtue of your dps.
6) Target silly melee players who have done they're hilarious prancing act around the boss.
7) Laugh at your target.

There you have it folks Lau's guide to mage dps.

So until next time this is Lau the Wheel Spinning Mage signing off.

Please note that this guide was a work of fiction devised by my caffeine saturated, sleep deprived mind and these views have nothing to do with Lau, the SoL guild, or reality in any form.

No comments: